Becoming Invincible

It’s really cool that I moved in with people that I absolutely adore! It’s slightly less cool that i’ve been hanging out with one of them until early morning hours and then having to get up for classes!

Yall. I haven’t had an appetite in 2 days. I’ve forced myself to eat something both days, but today I think I’m probably going on about 600 calories (and a good bit of coffee). I’ve lost 4 lbs in 2 days (and I know that’s not a real reflection so I’m worried about how fast I’ll gain it and then some back if I don’t eat). 

The thing is, I have NO IDEA WHY! I thought it was lack of sleep over the weekend, then I thought I was getting sick (but I feel PERFECTLY FINE except for having NO DESIRE to eat). Maybe it’s stress but that doesn’t usually affect me like this.

Hungover. I’m an asshat. Drinking vitamin water and laying on the couch.

I am all class.

I just found out my scariest, hardest, most anxiety inducing final is 12 DAYS later than originally scheduled! 

I ate really well today!!! Probably my first really good day since the break up. I did weigh myself yesterday, scale didn’t move (down OR up) but I could give you a pretty good list of reasons why not. 

I think it’s a cop out to call it a plateau when I’m not really focused. I also think it’d be really unfair to be too hard on myself 2 weeks after ending a 4 year relationship. So, instead, I’m just keeping my head up and going day to day!

New month, new week, (new apartment, relationship status, roommates, fears, etc). 

Here’s my confession/explanation for my sudden drop off the radar: as I stated, I’m going through a break-up (a little less than 2 weeks ago, initiated by me) and, as silly as it may sound, any time I’ve tried to focus on ME I’ve felt really guilty—like I’m trying to just shoot into the future right after ending an almost 4 year chapter of my life. I’ve pulled up tumblr almost every day and whether it was looking at my dash or trying to write a post I’ve had this nagging feeling of “Really? You altered the entire direction of you and ANOTHER PERSON’S future and you want to think about weights versus cardio and My Fitness Pal?!?!”

BUT what do I (or you…) gain from putting off the future. And who says we have to trivialize the past to move forward? I’ll never look back and be thankful that I spent an extra week wallowing in sorrow or eating my feelings AND just because I’m NOT doing that doesn’t make how hard or sad this has been any less real. 

It’s going to be hard, I deeply hurt someone I love, and I chose to move out meaning I’m living out of 2 suitcases (but with some amazing friends). So please keep me (and my ex) in your thoughts and prayers that we can work towards our futures. 

Hey ladies and gents—

I’m 158 this week meaning down .8!

This is good because I’ve eaten out basically every single meal for the past week.

I’ve done THAT because I’m going through a breakup from a very long term relationship and I had to move out (which also explains my absence this week).

I’m going to try to get back in the groove of things this week. This is literally the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I need all the support I can get. Sorry for being vague about it but I’m pretty emotionally spent—I won’t shower yall with depressing details or sob stories (I’m trying to stay as distracted as possible)…

Thanks in advance for your support!